Everything happens for a reason: the good, the bad, & the ugly…
I know this is a cliche you have heard many times. How bad do you want to punch me in the face this second? Here’s the thing no one likes struggle, but what if I can switch up your mind set and shake up your world. Give me until the end of this blog post to do so.
This statement was born because every time I forced something to be different was when I suffered. It was always chaos, heartbreak, illness and I am not saying give up, but I am saying accept it. Two very different things.
When I accepted what my reality was and moved in fluidity to this I was gifted something better out of chaos and rebel. It was like a dance where you let life lead and you are gifted a new blessing from your demise.
My life was not a cookie cutter life, we moved around a lot, I was poor, bullied and constantly felt alone. My mom was ill and was in and out of hospitals. She did her best, but People judged us and I learned fast to act happy and to be whatever I needed to be to survive.
I would often wish for friends, a mom who wasn’t sick, a stable home, to travel and was constantly trying to change everything. Force, force, force which resulted in pain, pain, pain! However, I surrendered and accepted some huge pain points, such as, I can’t learn the same way as before because of brain aneurysm and accepting that I had a severe ED and moved through it. I was gifted with a real best friend and some amazing blessings. I grew stronger from the ashes and that paved the way for friendships, love, a purpose and authentic relationships.
When I pushed for what I thought was right, I was often scorned. When I fought for friends they often betrayed me. When I fought for my moms approval my eating disorder got worse & when I fought for anything it often blew up in my face. Trust the process, let it go it’s not for you… Surrender!
Brain health is such a passion of mine for so many reasons…
One of them being that I’ve struggled with anxiety, a brain aneurysm, an eating disorder, losing my memory completely and body dysmorphia! Due to this happiness seemed foreign to me and a chase I could never grasp!
I set out on a journey since I was 19 to be happy and healthy, and it always seemed one step away from me. I’ve tried everything from reiki, huna, crazy diets, meditation for a year, therapy for years, LOA (you name it) I’ve tried it, treatment centres deemed me hopeless, doctors told me to write my own will… this girl has been around the world searching for happiness.
Now it’s my passion fueling the brain properly with my soul centred tribe 🌸🌈… getting people off toxic skin care and healing your body with food and supplements that actually work!
These factors all impact your body and the mind! Not to mention I’ve done this all while modelling for my own brand. You don’t need to be ashamed of your struggle. You are not alone!
It’s my mission to help as many women and men feel supported, become truly happy and improve their health.
Have you ever told yourself this story and stood in your own way? Who am I to share what I can do? Who am I to help others? Really who am I before I was told who I should be? Who am I if I’m not perfect? Who am I if this friend doesn’t like me and does my voice matter? …
These are all questions I’ve asked myself at one point in my life …
I’ve sat and pondered what if Thomas Edison had this thought, Oprah or Deepak… what if they said who am I and didn’t share? What if their ego kept them small and they choose to stay silent?
I’ll tell who you are, you are presence, powerful and worthy of this moment of full acceptance of who you are in this second. You are an extension of this human race, a collective collaboration and I am thankful for you being part of Reawakeningbeauty.
You are special just as you are in your humanness.
New Wave and Reawakeningbeauty and why this aligned a blast back into the past!
Breaking boundaries, barriers and the taboo of so called what the norm once was. Let’s start from the beginning! My brand started when I could no longer fake a smile and pretend I wasn’t anxious anymore. I was called one of those robotic people, always smiling, you could insult me and it didn’t seem to bother me. On the outside my life looked good, a steady job, a boyfriend of six years, a cute dog and modelling for two different agencies. However, outward appearances can be deceiving, on the inside I was suffering silently. Social anxiety, low confidence, seeking outside validation and panic attacks were my norm. I had a temper caused from overcoming an eating disorder that I used to numb my Emotions after years of abuse. I realized I was a fucking shit show!
Little segway … suppressed emotions will come out and I can promise you this!
One day I walked into work at Guerlain, where I worked as a counter manager … or better yet I tried to, after hearing my cousin was either said to have been murdered or killed himself. Not my first time hearing tragedy of this level nor was it my last, but this was my transformation.
That day, the fake smile lead me to a connection … My cousin, the one who I always thought understood me, was gone! That week my personal life came crashing down. My friend at the time had said I should simply get over it, that was clear indication that they are no longer my friend. Above all that my romantic relationship was hanging by a thread.
I had been to many doctors after that and they would all say the same thing, “You’re a pretty girl, you’ll get over it. Don’t you know how lucky you are to be alive and functioning at this level after a brain aneurism”… but in my head I felt like an unlovable monster. I felt hideous, stupid, annoying and worst of all… now alone! I have always felt like this, but I would mask it with over working and over giving to friends and family until I had nothing left to give.
“We live in such a toxic world?” “Is this always going to be my life?” “Can I actually be happy?” “What’s my life purpose?” “How can I marry my dreadful upbringing, loses and sorrow to help anyone and lastly How does toxic skin-care impact your body and your mind?” I sat and pondered the questions for hours. I had studied law of attraction and Eckhart Tolle’s teachings since 19. I was determined to create something raw and real from this tragedy!
So from that day, out of my worst pain at that moment, Reawakeningbeauty was born!!! A brand that connected my nutrition teachings, with how the mind works, to the power of presence and how to use my unique skills to truly get women and men to be healthy and feel beautiful and never alone!!
Behind every picture there’s a story. This saying inspired me to post a series of pictures allowing me express why I post what I do. I wanted to share what I value without a clever joke or quote!
I started thinking, how can I make a human connection in a digital world. Let go of the so called norm and the stigma behind the not so glam and unveil the truth!
Don’t get me wrong, I love taking pretty pictures, if you follow my feed that’s clear! Having a beautiful instagram account is real art, however, so is being true to yourself.
In conclusion, I stopped posting glitz and went raw for a week! I’m not sure if I’ll keep them up, but I wanted to change my norm.
I posted about things I normally wouldn’t normally share. Things like my brain surgery and subsequently memory loss at 18, how I’m so lucky to be alive, my pup and love for animals, the fact I adore jewelry and used to make it in the past and simple pleasures like coffee and a bouquet of flowers!
I look at many images on my feed and very rarely do I know the people behind the images! I just see faces and voiceless ones at that. I have made biases without realizing this is just a picture and not a whole person. I stopped crediting the source. Devaluing or over valuing someone based on a post. How silly does this seem?!
I shared some depth and as a result lost some followers, but hey, I’d rather be me than fake!! I hope more people realize an image is just that, but behind that image is a bigger story!
I intend to go back to the more aesthetically pleasing side, but not before shared some of what makes me who I am (not glamour) and just truth! I got so sick of seeing the same. I wanted to break the linear path I was on.
We can all lose sight of who we are in the noise of the day to day. So I also decided to take a tiny break from social media to realize who I am without comparing to others.
I highly recommend a day or two disconnecting, in order to properly reconnect with your form of reality and remind yourself what makes you unique.
Finding your sense of self in a picture perfect world!
I struggled with so much inner conflict, but my belief in achieving my dreams has always been higher. Rather than the voices of doubt!
We all have that voice saying what if I can’t?! Have you heard of imposter syndrome? It’s a real thing and it kills dreams! (I’ll train on this another time)
However, I didn’t listen to my head saying I was worthless and acted inspite of it! When someone said no you can’t, my brain said I’ll prove you wrong!
I’m not a hero…Just brave enough to tell self doubt to hit the road! I acted with fear in my belly and still do! Anyone who tells you making changes to your life isn’t scary is lying.
At 19 I became a Zumba instructor with no formal training! I graduated at the top of my class living in a city on my own & got 4 rewards in the process! I worked 3 jobs to pay my bills and babysat on the side!
Want to know the best part?! I did this all while recovering from a severe brain aneurysm, anorexia, polycystic fibrosis, liver problems and social anxiety! During this time my family and friends had given up on me because they found it to be too hard. But I NEVER did!!
I wouldn’t change any of it! I’ll never say that life was unfair, in fact I believe it was my past events that have guided me to a brighter future!
My life now is so different today! I now coach women globally on achieving their goals and growing their mindset! I also model and run a successful business
I have lived a full life and every challenge shaped me into who I am! If I would have said I can’t, could you imagine what I would have missed out on.
Here are some of my life’s journey & memories I collected along the way 💕🌱🌿
In life is it pompous or even selfish to celebrate where you came from and what you accomplished?! To Toot your own horn if you will. Is this a case of a big head or a result of human codependency?!
Last week I realized I accomplished a great deal of my goals I set for myself! Things I worked my ass off for, yet when I told others and they didn’t seem as excited for me as I was. I started to doubt myself and to devalue my own success! I allowed someone else’s opinion to overshadow my own! Why would I do that?! It’s simple, I wanted validation because I felt my own validation didn’t seem big enough.
Let me expand on this whole concept of needing approval. In life, at an early age we start relying on others for approval. When we take our first steps, say our first words, ride our first bike ride etc. Approval approval approval!
You get my point right, basically at a young age we are conditioned to seek approval from others. Unaware of it a lot of this carries over into our adult years. Seeking for others to give us value which we never gave ourselves.
However if you want to be exceptional and unique you need to break the rules and celebrate yourself. Break the mold and realize you are the only person with you forever. Your opinion should matter more than anyone else.
Celebrate that job you worked your butt off to get, that make up look you blew out of the water and starting a whole new venture on your own. Not needing validation is the most validating thing ever.
Very rarely will people treat you the way you feel you deserve to be treated, it’s so important to do it for yourself.
Pop your champagne, take a dream vacation, buy your self that something you wish someone would buy you!
How to deal with redirection when things go wrong! How many people play the victim. Life’s unfair, I can’t believe this happened to me?! Poor me and so on. I can promise no successful person stayed in this thought process long. What they did was adapt. Success is built on going with the flow!
Its been awhile since I devoted my time to writing! I’ve been on the go, until yesterday morning when life suddenly halted me! That halt was in the form of a knee injury! My first official knee injury, what a sweet little surprise, just kidding!
One way to appreciate something is to lose the ability to use that very thing! Loss of anything in the form of a person, home, job etc really makes you see something from a whole new light and a whole new apperception.
Think about how many times you devalue something? Let’s take your job for example ! Imagine your boss lets you go and you couldn’t pay your bills, I bet you would see the value and suddenly see the massive gem that job is.
Ask me how I feel about my knee today? I can’t wait for this tendon to heal. Am I sad? Yeah at first but at the same time its only two weeks of resting and it seems silly to bitch about when some people can’t walk at all. See what I did?!
In life shit happens and being victim will only derail you or me! Thankfully I’m not one to complain, if I don’t like something I change it or I change myself to adapt to it.
Today I am going to reroute my month and the following weeks! I am forced to rest, something I really don’t allow myself to do nor do I enjoy. But instead of throwing a pitty party I’ll take some online classes, learn some anti-inflammatory recipe, turmeric latte first on the list this morning and take some online classes.
I am accepting that this knee injury is a simple reminder to appreciate the blessings I have before I lose them! Stop complaining about petty things and move the eff on!
So much for my master plan of stocking my savings account with serious change this month! Looks like my pup is just going to have a resting partner and I’ll have to think of ways to make money from home! I am accepting my new forced stay vacation, mediation retreat and taking some new classes.
Thanks knee injury for rerouting me and making me learn to appreciate the small things before you break them lol. Thanks for teaching me an accident is not an invitation to be a victim it’s an invitation to reinvent yourself!
Now go break a leg, but not literally, figuratively of course!